Tuesday, January 22, 2019

anyway, so what?

so the story doesnt actually pick up with the stupid spaceship the duderino.

it starts actually on this excursion where we had to exterminate an entire town full of these rats that had this heinous bite that was necrotic, but also numbing, so you wouldnt know you're being eaten up until you saw your arm was a freaking bone arm; if you were lucky.

and we arent talking like "entire town full of rats" we're talking "if you saw the ground was moving, it was because the ground was literally these fucking rats." they were everywhere. 

in the center of this town was this huge patina'd blue samurai mecha robot that we had to get into pretty much for safety because the town was also falling apart. we ended up flooding the town, which was a feat because i think this was pre green lantern rings, and that lead to some problems later with these fucking rats (that i vaguely remember if it was explored.)

anyway, we eventually found ourselves in the mech, which had fallen over because of our chicanery. after we were able to get it to stand - using some artifacts we'd found (some were missing.) we learned that the machine only had 39 more movements it could make. this was a pretty damned cool idea. so we arent traipsing around fucking middle earth with a giant robot. we already had a dungeon(shadowsturge - dead vampire castle), a dragon (later), and a shit load of wealth - we'd basically beat the game as it was.

this giant samurai mech was used to fight a tarrasque, which is basically a 50' godzilla. also it's controlled by some shellak, using some freaking mindflayers as it's batteries/means of mind control. you dont fuck with mindflayers, friend. they will fuck you up. our golden dragon flown by "mal" a child we saved who'd been his caretaker, flew across a great ocean and triumphantly helped us kick it's ass.

so, we fought the tarrasque, the shellak on board detached and fled into a portal, the tarrasque was pushed through the portal by the mech, and upon closing the top half of the mech was closed into the portal with the tarrasque; mal and the golden dragon flew back to the cavern under shadow sturge and that was it with that.

but see. it doesnt start there either.

it starts where we in real life all split the groups up the first time. also, at this point, you know, today, i've made my peace with never playing again; and the self reflection isnt the only problem so i dont think i'll actually be doing much of that anymore and just getting elbow deep into what i was wanting to do as a dm with our third and final group.

So. This is day one stuff man. our group of 8 people and growing; because our dm was being used to entertain this other dude's work friends and the rest of us were along for the ride; we met at a tavern and were obliged to look into the town's mayor the gleason (his name or title, not sure.). through adventures not important - just the gleason for my story - and the warlock player character - just for my story, are the take aways. the gleason was as it turns out an evil rakshasa. he was our big bad evil guy for a while, then he killed one of our npc allies.

who was the brother of this warlock player. this warlock was an asshole. as a person. big freaking asshole. manipulative, conniving, just all around, not someone i was impressed with. i mean, you know when you just dont get a good feeling about someone, well, this was the guy for me. it was always at his house, with his work friends, and he would sit on his phone and barely contribute IF he did, it was to be a freaking weasley asshole thing to do to us players. as a group of 8 people, we spent more time deciding to do literally anything because as i've said before, being unled is what these people wanted, rather than play with any direction; than actually doing anything. which is why i barely remember much from this period. anyway, this was important, the idea of using this character. and the rakshasa gleason. for my campaign, later. it was like a freaking eureka moment for me.

id ended up hating playing with him and his wife so much that i actually devised a plan to kill their characters off in the game. it was pretty awesome. my rage quit. it involved all these great items we got as a group that no one cared about to use for any kind of strategy, or even that we fucking had and i was teleporting around just obliterating them with a pulse rifle i'd gotten from the shelak. telling the dm this plan, was why we split the group. the dude was so petty, that after we'd split he'd killed my character and used my corpse as one of his necrotic zombie slaves. i think he skinned it too. which is totally ok, and not me obliterating him and his weird ass wife from the game so they'd have to make different characters and play like decent people.

i'd mentioned we had a dragon and beat the game. now, as i've said; i dont remember much from this time. what i do remember is on the way to a mission we encountered a voice on the road. it belonged to a scared weak werewolf who explained to us that they'd needed help to remove a curse from them that projected their voices away from them; among other things (i think). after 45 minutes of arguing what to do, we went on with our original mission and COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN about this werewolf's cursed pack. (i didnt. but i wasnt exactly into helping him at that moment because we'd had more pressing matters, i'd planned on going back; but we never did. in any group. so i ganked it.) i think we'd ended up meeting Mal, a young boy who's father was murdered by vampires and now he'd become an orphan. like, we came right up on his dead dad and him. so we took mal in and took off to clean house on some vampires. this gave us "Shadowsturge" which became our home, and mal lived there and whatever while we were out. we'd eventually get a dragon baby, which mal then was charged with taking care of. so it worked out.

so, we split the group to this group of people that had to be begged to come play, and an adult child that we had to babysit. the one where they had a month to come up with a great magical item they wanted, and didnt until game night and could care less what it was. which now that i've split they play more. great friends. nice people.


so here's some of my campaign's building blocks in no particular order because im going along as i remember and stealing away from work to write this:
rakshasa gleason the rakshasa.
evil drow warlock with the ability to make zombie slaves of past players
cursed werewolf tribe.
fred the flumph.
snot the troll.
the dragon and mal.
cursed werewolves
the tarrasque vs patina samurai mech
the shellak
our burger restaurant "mazes and monsters" - important to note this because i'd noticed the deterioration of the game and displayed it on our business in what little our final group saw of this campaign.
landing on a space ship.
the wood elf bard garth (i can never get this guy's race right. i realize that's kind of a dick thing of me, but i cant say that anyone else in these three groups cared to remember or try to as much as i did. hell, even remember their own. the man baby wanted to be a minotaur; but had actually meant he wanted to be a centaur. with a large dick. this person was a drag to play with. it stopped being funny/tolerable after a while.)
the human thief krell.
and me, the human fighter. me.

so there we were, after the gleason, after the tarrasque. blooped on regular earth where we found snot, a troll and the idea to bring hamburgers to fantasy land. this is where it starts.

garth, the bard, and i were blooped over to my world 6 years before my accident to make sure a fire happened at a theme park. we'd been all over this park's backlot fighting creatures blooped here to start the fire. we'd started fighting them to make the fire not happen. after a while, we'd realized that we should let the fire happen because of the whole "it was supposed to happen" thing. we fought a tar golem. which was on fire. and we put that fire out. we were just ill prepared to do the right thing by not doing anything at all.

and that's how we met snot. this. this is where it starts.

Friday, January 18, 2019

whatever who cares.

With great self reflection, I've decided I'm going to just write out my dungeons and dragons campaign here because; if I'm being honest (the only way I can be); it's probably the only way it will ever see the light of day.

you're about to enter the theater of the mind. i could get some pictures, but i wont.

Some back story.

I play as myself. I cant get behind pointy ears, being 4' tall, 8' tall, a half dragon person, whatever. I can only identify as a human. and im not so imaginative with my personal characters that I want to play as anyone but myself. the last time, i played as a human fighter named bill murray. before that, i was a cavalier named vinz clortho. see? im bad at it. i play as myself now on paper, dude. as another example, i've played fallout 4 since i got my xbox one (i bought it for fallout, and i owned fallout4 before i got my xbox) and i made my character look exactly like me; and i found that im building settlements. im level 94 or 96 and i've gotten that high, mostly by building. playing myself. i build stuff. totally unintentional. but, my people need to have rugs, and kitchens, and beds in their three room apartments (sitting room, kitchen, bedroom). and yes, i do think it odd that i only have one settlement with kids; and a ton of other settlements with adults. are they all sterile? whatever. this isnt about that. 

(say bye bye to capitalization. im sneaking off at work and it takes too much energy from story telling and hiding that im not working.)

as an aside, i believe totally, that people playing rpgs are playing themselves. generally speaking, if you're sitting around a table with your friends, and you are a good person to these people, you arent going to play as an evil alignment. one may be a drow, or a halfling, but you are you, as them. i've played with evil players, and they were not nice people. they were manipulative, conniving, more traits of being a bad person im not able to articulate. they didnt give me a good vibe. if it were up to me, i'd abandon the notion of alignment all together.

so, with an industrial accident at a hadron collider (fantasy), I was thrown into this fantasy world of people with pointy ears, odd heights, and half dragon people. there's just no way a guy that stares at blue lines that are supposed to be walls on a comptuer screen 
all day and then redoes jobs from three days before over things beyond his control can accidentally be hurled into a fantasy world. sorry. guess i can get into an accident and end up in a coma, but what does that mean for the other players? they're all my imagination? that's a little self absorbed, dude. i have a very ambiguous code - im not a murder hobo. i dont run around killing everything with a pulse. often, i talk to the enemy monster rather than fighting him. and if i did, well, sorry bud but this is to the death. thankfully, it was kind of adopted by other players and it made the game more interesting than being murder hobo hoarders.

anyway. some mistakes i think i made looking back at the two gaming groups i've left and reflecting on the third that plays with the second more than with me, is taking the lead. what i've decided to do to fix that is dm. looking at that decision as im writing this, it also looks like i didnt learn anything. but hey, whatever. this is also my total failure of an attempt to grow as a person by sharing my dungeons and dragons campaign that im leading as a dm, through a character who's taken the reigns of groups that didnt have, nor wanted, a leader. in the end, i guess they all wanted to be indecisive. 

one of our quests lead us to a cave that was a control center for this inter dimensional race of beings named the shelak. these are tentacled evil creatures not quite like illithids, but more powerful and more evil, and more sciency/spacey. they use illithids like batteries for controlling big monsters. anyway, it was in this cave control center we found a portal for an entry to their world which they were using to get into this one. it wasnt a way for me to get back to my home (which, as a character i pretty much gave up on. i mean really. let's face it, i was stuck there. i know i dont have the means of getting to a place or from a place like that in real life.) in this CCC i found a machine that gave what was maybe "Safety" gloves to study items in this machine it was attached to. with my "mediocre" luck i had one of these things bonded to my right hand. granting me great crushing strength and melee power. it was pretty awesome. i've used it to open gates to underground crypts, pull (at great argument with my group and detriment to my hand) a powerful orb that absorbed metal that ended up killing the big bad evil guy by sucking him into it (it had been in a shed surrounded by rusty tools hung on a wall, all being pulled towards it and flakes of the rust and metal were being absorbed into the glowing ball) at the end of a quest to save a town from a powerful and playful demon. 

another quest, we'd been introduced to fred, a flumph, who was a fun, if not annoying and dangerous character our dm had used for decades.

another, stanley our mentally disabled bullywug friend who mopped our magical boat.

another quest, i'd ended up with a polymorphic wand with a ton of uh, uses. (im not a magic guy, what's coming is as close to magic as i can get my head wrapped around.)

in my infinite wisdom to hook my group up with some bad ass stuff, i told everyone at the time to take a couple weeks and figure out if there was a weapon or tool, or something they wanted really bad and this magic wand can give it to them. this is where i learned that this group really doesnt want to play the game and i stopped putting my energy into playing with them; and why im astonished they still play; thinking it was probably me that was the problem all along, where i just wanted to play with people who i'd thought were my friends; but i'd learned i'd put too much energy into THAT as well. so. whatever. semicolons.

anyway, what came of that after a more than reasonable amount of time, was on game night they still had not had their items imagined. what was sorted, quickly on game night was the child who had to be carried through not only the game but keeping up with his character, and babysitting him in real life- wanted something for his dick, a poison dagger for another player who played as an evil aligned character (and played a fucking game about the alignment rather than just say "im the new guy i want to play as an evil character"), i cant even remember what the frauds wanted. that's not important. well, it is for reflection purposes because i'd treated them better than people who were my real friends and i absolutely should not have; what is important, is what i did with a couple of rings and some lanterns.

i'd created myself a green lantern ring. for my friend who played a bard, a blue lantern ring.
go ahead and have at it for your own campaign or characters: 

dont worry about the whole "charging" part of it, or whatever, it's pretty broken. i pretty much forgot about it in gameplay. just try not to abuse it and you'll be fine. you're essentially using spells at will, regardless of level you have to be to use the spell, and the level of the spell itself. example: you can use 1 magic missile, or as many as the spell allows. ideally, you want to hurt/kill monsters. not obliterate them into a fine mist. it's not the green lantern corp way.

anyway, where was i?

Our DM created the idea of portals so we arent just playing in this world's sandbox. there were various machinations created that we'd by roll of dice end up in a world of clockwork**, earth but years prior to my accident*, a superhero reality, and a place or two i cant recall at the moment, but finally, a space ship.

* where we'd create the idea for our group's business venture - a burger joint called "mazes and monsters" we'd actually, through synchronicity; hired cooks, waitstaff, interior designers, food and appliance suppliers, etc. totally unintentionally by our dm. which was awesome. in every way. i wanted to make burgers for us in real life, since it'd been whittled down to the three of us and i'd been using our games as an excuse to stretch my legs and cook. if i wasnt being lazy and ordering a sandwich ring. 

**fred had been this god like clockwork being, who was broken and took the abandonment instead of becoming a god. he took the gig after this quest and it ended a 35 year long story for him, per our dm. it was pretty awesome. im not giving this any of the awe/respect it deserves telling you, because it is some time back for me and i do not have my notes.

the bloop to the spaceship is where i picked up officially dming the game. space operas? that's my jam. multiverses? also my jam. put them both together? here is my jam. with a side of bbq chicken leg quarters because im not allowed to enjoy these any other time. 

now, i cut my teeth dming a corny halloween themed quest that brought our dm into the game as a player. it was basically him being chased by jason voorhees, lead by my character who was caged up by freddy krueger. kruger? who cares. it was fun. i wasnt locked up the whole time, i could have left when i wanted, but i needed a second person to fight these guys with. and i didnt, because i wanted him to do all the work as like a "test" to join our band of merry men. now, i didnt just throw him into this dreamworld without anything to cover his butt and i knew (as both character and dm) he would be fine. he had a duplicate green lantern ring (a feature of the ring.) to defend himself and communicate with me to guide him through the quest. at the end, he was gifted with this really awesome leather armor that could magically encase him in a snake like mech he can control (i have/had intentions with this).

im going to admit. if you havent caught on by now, im not very "original" with my ideas. 

i make props of things people have already made. i may change a thing here or there but the majority is already done. of all i've worked on, i cant count a full hand what was completely my idea. it is part of my internal shame. now im not saying im bad at it, im not saying im fantastic at it either. and honestly, it irritates me when i read other people's works that reference other people's works; but use the better stuff as a crutch for theirs. i hated ready player one, as an audio book, it was like living my personal hell. not only was it a bad garbage story, using better ideas as a crutch to limp to the next bad story plot point for a one dimensional character, it was read by the lamest duck of a duck wil wheaton.

that was when i came to that conclusion about myself. was i projecting? i dont care. probably. but man. that was one garbage story.

so. this spaceship.

was the duderino. 

end of part 1? ok. sure. i've stolen enough time away from real work and spent enough of it self loathing.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Friday, February 3, 2017


By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe. By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe. By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe. By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe.


Look, 2016 was a bad year; for a lot of us it is. So bad for me, I can barely count on my hand what great things happened. The rest? Let's just say that psychologically, I've blacked everything else out. I was in a really bad car accident years ago and it took me seeing a therapist for it. I learned some things.

You know how you can bottle your feelings down and then forget about them? I can not only do that, but I can completely forget why I had any at all. It's wonderful. It's uh, liberating.

But over all, what a shitty year.

tired of using the shift key.

and you know what? we're in week 5, but really "week 2" and this year; short of 2 things, is fucking shit. it's shit. i hate it. and you know what? when im having an adult to adult conversation with my kids IF (COLOSSAL IF) there's a future, about "what the world was like on it's way to shit" i am afraid im going to have to tell them that there was a lot of shit going on this year that is just too exhausting to bring up, much less, remember, because of the whole "i can black shit out in my mind" pretty - god - damned - good - thing.

Anyway. I cant even talk about most of my good news. because i have to keep it a secret. for reasons. reasons that are both related to each other. reasons that the relativity of them is if you know the one you know the other. and if you know the one it's not counted on for the third thing when that time comes. those kinds of things.

but what can i tell you? "why am i here reading your blog if all you're going to do is just bitch?" you're asking?

because you want to know what the hell im working on. or thinking about working on. or what barely "neat" crap i have going on i can share.
i havent started any prop projects, because i think the whole black out thing is putting me into a sort of depression. i mean, i still am totally functional, basically auto pilot. seems like everything i've actually tried to build within the last year has turned out to shit. barely salvageable. 

the whole secrecy from the last post i was building an armor.

this armor:
Image may contain: 2 people, people smiling

Image may contain: 2 people, people standing

another "starwars/disney" crossover thing. this time - William "Buzz" Lightyear, stranded ranger who cobbled together some armor from some long dead clone troops. i imagined him like a ranger, not really aligned with the rebels or imperials. not really a bounty hunter. just someone that does a job. you know, took the whole "space ranger" thing and applied it to the fantasy archetype "ranger" thing.

im not happy with it. the armor was far too big across the chest, and at the bottom; too narrow to be able to breathe right. i made some thigh armor that turned out to be high quality garbage. i had the idea of "man at arms" from he-man's style of armor in mind; just one half of him is armored; but the execution and having not used the thigh armor because it kept falling off (not knowing that there is an elaborate series of straps) and was uncomfortable was just far to beneath my liking.

so, when i get a wild hair, i will be remaking the whole she-bang. it was just a total disaster all around from the get go. 

i can look happy when i have to.

So, the next "big" thing i was working on was a "circular saw guide." this is basic. so fucking simple, that any idiot with a screwdriver and a circular saw can do. apparently, i am far worse off than any idiot, because i was completely incapable of getting this right on the first try. 

i was inspired to build a work bench from Ron Paulk's design. I think he might have made this more complicated than need be (i didnt watch it just now for a refresher) but you get the idea. so fucking simple.

i put that project down for a month. no. it's been down since november.

the reason why i wanted it at all was because i've been looking at empire toy work's (https://www.facebook.com/empiretoyworks/) freak super awesome stuff thinking "at one time i was able to do that" and want to attempt to make my own. im telling you, that dude's stuff is super creative and i've killed many afternoons looking at everything down to the finest detail. it's also, completely his fault i've started collecting any vintage 5 point articulation action figures (which, was something i vehemently hated through most of my entire life) from fisher price adventure people, to mego, to funko reaction.

anyway, i may even not finish some and sell those; as to not encroach on his gig; so more creative types can custom their own. but i need that saw guide to get any straight cuts as i have no table saw.

i did however, muck around with some plastic that i've had since the great layoff of 2009, and made some neat L shaped walls for my GIJOE HQ shelf so i can display it all on the same uh, shelf. they came out ok. one is half done. i need to paint them. i've created i gigantic learning curve with these to make those other buildings i aspire to make though.

i have designs going for a bunker to go under my USS FLAGG MAST or whatever it's called, so that i have the flagg as a more "stationary" tower; and another plan for an "outpost landing pad" that will replace this rubbermaid drawer thing i have next to my chair in my cave that's full of gijoe crap i intend to sort or sell. which is an even neater idea because in my head im going to cross over literally anything 4" scale space that isnt just star wars (im not incorporating everything) and future/time travel into it. Gijoes will be fighting terminators. they will be driving space freighters. they will be menaced by xenomorphs. they will go to doctors in different planets. i may even write a story. who knows. imagine "world newton" or that theory that "everything on tv is from the comatose kid from general hospital" as the idea "world vanduyn" in the execution.

also a plan for a display for my masters of the universe classics figures. 

i'm sorting my stuff from my parents attic, so i have it more organized for my attic. that's taken priority because i should really take care of that before really working on anything fun.

so that's where i'm at with "projects"

now, check this out.

this is my replica HUDSON helmet, made by SIR TERRY ENGLISH, and painted accurately with the graphitti by CHEF. This was sent in a message to me this morning that my aluminum USCM armor built EXACTLY TO THE SAME SPECS it was made for the movie ALIENS by the VERY SAME CRAFTSMAN that made them for the movie. this is like, the neatest thing i'll ever actually own. i'm so freaking excited for this, i will be a nervous fucking wreck the whole time it's in the mail.

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the cost of helmet was either a set of new tires, or replacing a starter. the whole shebang (helmet/armor/helmet cap/paint) was how much i paid for my 98 gt mustang convertible.

By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe. And that's it with everything going on for me right now; how are you?